why do i even bother anymore? i DO NOT get credit or help when i ask for it.. Tonight i am being ingored being talked over and snapped st when i make the smallest attempt to communicate. i fucking tired of being treated like this!!!! I give you EVERYTHING 1,00,000,000,000,000% and yet im still treated lime im some retard which in reality you are the retard...you are very close to loosing me but you are to fucking blind to see that. god im so pissed and hurt by you. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK YOU!!!!!!!!!

AWESOME WEEKEND

I made it through the weekend with out for the most part having any kind of brain.... Right now I am fighting the thoughts that the one is going to find someone else while he goes to FLA if it happens. I know he wont but I will miss him war more than he can know. I almost told him I love you when he left tonight but didnt because I didnt want to feel rejected if I didnt get the same responce so I just held on longer than I normally do for our good buy hugs. I really want things to work with he and I and he does too but I have to change a few things on my end so that I can get it working right. I do love him and I also know we both are coming off a very broken heart situation. Well sleeping pill is hitting must go get food then sleeps.

The cleaning trip

Work lately has been stupid, seriously how fricken hard is it to do a job you have been doing for a long ass time? Also HOW THE FUCK can you not understand how team work works and is used to make everyone's job easier!

I cleaned out my van today and I mean really cleaned out my van, I'm pretty sure that I had enough fries on the floor for a large order at McD's. Feels good to have it that way again now to just maintain it so I dont have to spend a hour dicking around with it. I still need to pack for the trip to Chicago I want to leave here NO LATER than 9:30 but somehow I do not see that working out that way because I have to wait for someone to get here who lives 17 miles away. I just wish they would have just come over tonight rather than the morning... Less stress for me to deal with because I am the one driving as always to Chicago. I have made it through the day though and I am for the most part doing well even having a shot in my right foot just like I use have done every week.

This is my first entry... I have decided that writing thoughts down will help me when I have rough mental days because lord knows I have my share of them.

I have been working for around 3 weeks now and its been going well expect the body hurting which I knew was going to happen. Happy to feel useful again even though its slinging hot dogs and eggs.